?

Log in

Ba Sing Se

I love riding on Appa but I’m not going to lie, I glad we finally made it to Ba Sing Se; seven people is just too many for a single bison.  Ba Sing Se feels different then last time we were here; I guess it has been invaded twice since I’ve last seen it, but strangely  it feels… more at ease with itself, if that makes sense.  The fact that we’re not looking for Appa or being eel-hounded by a secret government conspiracy helps, but I don’t think that’s all of it.

 

The Jasmine Dragon is great; it’s a lot smaller than the palace, so there’s a lot less privacy, but it has a cozy feel to it.  The shop is always bustling with customers, but the rooms in the back are actually pretty quiet, and it’s nice to just relax.

 

I just hope we’ll get a chance for a little research this week…

Thanks

Just wanted to thank you again for that talk the other day... it gave me a lot to think about, and, well, Katara and I were able to talk things through and come to an understanding.
I'm... just not sure what to think right now.  I shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have gone that far, but every time we're together it gets easier, we push it just a little bit farther....

And I liked it, I really liked, and so did she, but I shouldn't, and that scares me.  If she hadn't stopped me, I'm not sure what we would have done, and that scares me too.  She says it's not my fault, that she should have stopped me earlier, but since when has it been her responsibility to keep me in check?  What's more, part of me wants to do it again... so I decided we should stop; I think... I think that's the only way to sure it doesn't happen again.  It just feels so easy, to keep going...

... but I don't what to give up what we have.

She said that we're mature enough, but not old enough, and I'm not sure I even understand what that means. It felt good, but it shouldn't...

Maybe it's for the best, that we stop now... she'll be going to the South Pole after Ba Sing Se and I'm heading to the Earth Kingdom.  Maybe it's best to just play it safe, and maybe get used to not being with her as much.

She also asked if she could travel with me... when's she done in the south... but would that be a good idea?  We've been lucky. but what happens if we go from not seeing each other to spending all our time together.  I just... don't want us to to do something we'll regret.

There's something else that's been bothering me... but I'm scared to ask her... how long is she planning on staying at the South Pole?
Hey Teo, sorry I haven't got to hang out with you much.

Don't know if you've heard, but we'll be leaving the city soon, and I've heard you'll be heading back to the Northern Temple.  I planning on heading up there soon, and if you're up for it, wanna see who's the best glider?
The last few days have been exhausting interesting.  They've given me a lot to think about; things that I've really considered.  Everyone is planning on going home soon; they've been talking about it for a while, but I guess it was made official yesterday.  Mai and Zuko will be staying in the Fire Nation, Suki is going to Kyoshi, and Sokka and Katara... will be going back to the Southern Tribes.  I guess what I hadn't really thought about what I was going to do; I'd just assumed I would stay at the Palace and help with the meetings, but Sokka seemed to think I should travel the world, doing Avatar-y things like solving problems, spreading hope, and just generally helping people.  Zuko agreed, saying I could do more good that way.

I think I'll do it; I miss traveling and don't think I'm really doing a lot of good here.

It's just... now I will be alone.

I guess I'll have Appa and Momo, but that's it; if I had stayed here I would at least have Zuko and Mai.  And we could have written one another; I'd be here and she'd be there, but we'd know where to send the letters.  Now, I don't know where I'll be, so I could write her, but there wouldn't be a way to send letter's back.

Katara told me she was going to help rebuild the Southern Water Tribe.  How long will that take?  I had thought she would just go home to visit, maybe be gone a month or so, but now I have no idea how long she'll be staying there.

And that scares me.

A lot has changed in our relationship these last few days; things have happened and been discussed that  I'd never thought about doing or talking about.  (I still can't believe she actually asked...)   I think we've just been trying to use the time we have left, it's just... the more time I spend with her, the less I think I can handle leaving.
She says she wants to have a family together, to grow together...

I've thought about it before - actually, I've been thinking about it for a while -but to come right out and say it is kinda scary.  I mean, it made me happy, very happy, but... maybe scary is the wrong word... surprising maybe.  It's just I had no idea she was even thinking about stuff like that, we have only been going out for a couple weeks, and to have her come out and say it is... wow.

Katara asked me if I would hold her till she fell asleep the other night.  I don't know if I've ever felt so good, so at ease, as when she was sleeping next to me.  It almost surprised me how safe I felt, as if everything was fine.  It felt so... I can't really find words to explain what it felt like to have her curled up on my chest...

On a slightly different note, I'm starting to catch up to her... though she's still a little taller...

Thoughts...

I have been thinking about this for a couple days now, and maybe writing it out will make more sense.

I... have really only once thought about the possibility of Sokka and Katara leaving me; it never really occurred to me.  It never struck me as odd that they stayed with me after we arrived at the North Pole; I just assumed they would stay with as I searched for an earthbending teacher, and after the desert it just seemed ridiculous to think they would leave.

But now that the war is over... and I guess they have less reason to stay with me.  I mean, I need to stay here but they don't really have an reason to stay... they don't really have anything to do.

It's just I've come to rely on them, I need them to stay sane with everything that is going on.  Also, it sounds mean but... while I do consider Mai and Zuko and Toph family... Katara and Sokka were there first.  And now that things have changed with Katara...

... I don't remember the last time I felt happy, so at ease, as when I was with her on our date.  I didn't have to worry about my duties, didn't have to hide how I felt, I could just be me.  And... I don't want to run away from my responsibilities, but I think I do need to let go every once in a while.

But.. maybe it is better if they leave, maybe I need to learn how to live by myself.  I just... don't know.  It isn't right to need someone all the time... is it?

I... maybe I just need to think about it some more...
 

I haven't got a chance to write much recently; the meetings and paper work have not slowed and I've been spending most of my free time with Katara.  We've talked a lot this last week and I think we understand each other better now.  I guess I had known and accepted about how I felt for so long that I never really considered thatshe might be as comfortable with this as I am.  But I'm pretty sure were at the same place now.  Although I will admit, while I had wanted to kiss Katara for quite a while, I hadn't really though about kissing like that...

Sokka apparently didn't take to our growing relationship all that well; well at least I don't think he did.  Katara and Suki both warned me that he didn't have the best reaction to Katara's neck, but he seemed fine when I saw him.

On a side not, Katara tells me that my skin is much paler than hers, and after last night I may want to avoid Sokka for a little while.

Maybe I should just get a better high collar shirt, or possibly a scarf...

On Advice

So, I was talking to Katara earlier and...

Sokka... Zuko... I think I need your advice.

On Journals and Confessions

I have to admit, Sokka has always impressed me with his ideas, and his journal idea is no exception.  And what a way I have to start this journal:

Katara told me she like me, as in more than a friend!

Granted, the circumstances surrounding the confession were a bit strange, and it would have been able to talk about it while not standing in front of a captive audience, but still, she said it!  Although, now that I think about it, why were they there watching us?  It did make things a little bit more awkward then they needed to be.  Especially Sokka's advice at the end about not saying the "L-word" (apparently admitting love is a bad thing?) and the bit about us not being together even though we'd both admitted our feelings (actually, this was the third time I told Katara about my feelings).

So apparently there's still some stuff figure out.

I feel like I should talk to Katara about all this, but sadly things are still incredibly hectic.

Maybe I'll play hooky for some of the less important meetings....